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highly sensitive person

Informed Consent – As an HSP, how much information do you want to health professionals to share?

On a Friday morning in March, I was feeling quite proud of myself having had my swim, and was making my breakfast in time to eat it before my 10 am mastermind call. My fellow mastermind members normally have to endure me eating on the call (though after living in Tokyo where eating in public is not socially acceptable, I do try to cover my mouth while taking a bite – but that’s another conversation).

I must have been less present than necessary as when chopping fresh dill to add to my omelette with my brand-new kitchen knife, I miscalculated the length of my middle finger and in an instant decided to shorten it. Whoops. I knew right away that what I had done was not good, but didn’t know how bad it was. 

 

Clare standing in front of Emergency Room doors with bandaged fingers. She is wearing a medical mask, pink scarf and colourful sweater.

At the entrance to St. Joseph’s Hospital in Toronto that morning, my Love, Jacques who as you may know works for the emergency medical service was at his place about thirty minutes away and still sleeping. Not for long. I called a couple of times, the second call breaking through his “do not disturb” setting. Phew!

Oh, my, I was talking a mile a minute, telling him what happened with my hand up in the air and a paper towel compress on. I wasn’t sure if it was serious enough to need help or could be looked after at home. Jacques quickly decided that he would come. During the call, I calmed down significantly and started thinking about what I could do knowing that Jacques was on his way. I continued to regain my composure and made a few calls to figure out the next steps. I tried the following:


911 – they can’t give you advice on whether their help is required so they suggested calling our provincial telehealth line where you can speak to a nurse.

Telehealth – after a lengthy intake which includes marketing questions (that no one wants when dealing with a health issue!) I was told it would take several hours to receive a return call. Come to think of it, I have never received a callback…

My doctor’s office – they have a walk-in clinic but there were no doctors available. I could have a phone appointment with my doctor in an hour if I wished. I said yes, but didn’t anticipate hanging around.

 

When Jacques arrived, off we went to the local hospital emergency room.

Here’s what I noticed while there:

– When dealing with a real emergency, I talked myself through what I knew and immediately reached out for help. 

– I cared about doing the “right” thing in accessing medical care. I didn’t want to unnecessarily tax our urgent care system.

– I calmed down by breathing AND talking it out. Later on, I cried out some of the stress.

– I appreciated every kindness, from Sebastian in triage letting me know he would call ahead to the treatment area and let them know I would be coming and seen quickly, to Mallory who spoke slowly and clearly when giving directions to that station. She cared that I was comprehending and wow, did I appreciate that.

I was treated quite quickly and very grateful for the thoughtful care though there was one area of service I thought could have been more nuanced and I’m curious what you think.

I tend to be a questioner (one of Gretchen Rubin’s “Four Tendencies”) and take comfort in information. I want to know what to expect. For example, I inhaled every word of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” when I was pregnant. Knowing lets me prepare.

I recognize that others are happier “not knowing”. They are ready to take whatever comes as it comes, trusting they will be able to handle it. This is my Love, Jacques.  And, not gonna lie, I’m a little envious. But given that I’m me, I will likely continue to love data.

When Dr. Da Silva, the ER doc was looking after me, he let me know that part of the treatment could be very uncomfortable and freezing was an option. Jacques was with me and having seen many treatments and the associated discomfort, and knowing me and my low threshold for pain, advised me to take the numbing. 

The doctor told me it would be a “poke”.

Fine, I thought. A poke I can deal with. 

 

Um, not so much. It was painful and disturbing for somewhere between thirty seconds to a minute…or maybe longer. It certainly seemed longer.

During this part of the treatment, all of my composure was gone. I said words I shouldn’t and cried.



When the doctor came back, I said, “I don’t hate you. And, I’m sorry.”

The rest went swimmingly. 

 

Before I left though, I let the doctor know that I would have appreciated a more realistic description of what to expect. “Poke” wasn’t the right term. I think I would have known to anchor in my breath more deeply and to expect to stay there. Closing my eyes and holding Jacques’ hand (after telling the doctor and Jacques that science says this helps) was indeed helpful but not enough.

To address the fact that some people like to know and some people don’t question, perhaps a health care provider can ask how much you want to know. I recognize that in some situations, this is not realistic, but if time allows, this question could help guide the way a practitioner proceeds.

I think of my massage therapist who moves around the table always keeping a hand on me. I think of the MRI technician who tells me how long each imaging session will be after which I can move a little bit.

What do you think?

Do you want more information or less?

And would you appreciate being asked?

If you’re a health practitioner and have an opinion, I’d love to hear it.

Find me on twitter @clarekumar.

Author: Clare Kumar

Filed Under: HSP - Highly Sensitive Person, Mindset, Peace of Mind Tagged With: care, Clare Kumar, cut finger, doctor, Emergency Room, highly sensitive person, informed consent, patient, patient care, questions

How to Work with Highly Sensitive People

meerkat on alert representing high sensitvity

You might have heard the term HSP and wondered if it applies to you or some of your coworkers, or perhaps even your partner. Understanding this trait will be helpful to you in any case as it may help you advocate for yourself, navigate your relationships more effectively, and to better support others.

WHAT IS AN HSP?

Dr. Elaine Aron was in conversation with her therapist when they suggested that perhaps she was highly sensitive.1 The idea of being highly sensitive intrigued Elaine so much she went on to research and in the early 90s defined the trait that is also known clinically as Sensory Processing Sensitivity.

 

It is important to note it is quite distinct from Sensory Processing Disorder which includes difficulties in organizing and responding to information that arrives through the senses and which can have a significant impact on learning and daily life.

 

People who have the trait are most often referred to as HSPs, with HSP standing for “highly sensitive person”. Elaine defines the term as “a preference to process information more deeply”. I would add the word “involuntary” in advance of preference, as there is little to no choice involved. The trait is present in about 20% of the population, so I can guarantee you know someone who is an HSP…even if they don’t know it yet. HSPs’ brains light up differently in fMRI studies compared to non-HSPs when given tasks that involve perception involving subtle differences.

 

Let’s tackle the word “sensitive” as it can put some people off. Sensitivity is an undervalued quality in North American culture and, despite its great value, can be perceived by some as a sign of weakness. Here, sensitivity does not relate only to emotional sensitivity and easily finding oneself in tears, though that is possible for some. In fact, Elaine confesses she would rename the trait if she could start over, perhaps replacing sensitive with the word perceptive or responsive. Our sensitivity or responsiveness extends to the physical, mental, and emotional.

 

Since the term is out in the world, I’m going with it so those who have learned about it can find the Happy Space Pod and podcast, but it’s worth understanding the trait includes some other qualities. Elaine refers to them with the acronym DOES (pronounced like the verb, not the noun, though I think the image of female deer is probably apt). *** Update – for my take on the elements of high sensitivity, based on Dr. Aron’s work but slightly reorganized, please see this post: The SEED Model of High Sensitivity

 

HSP QUALITIES

 

D – Depth of Processing – we spend more time dealing with new information and thinking about it more deeply… which can definitely be exhausting. The dark side is tendency to overthink.

 

O – Overstimulation – we can be extremely sensitive to high stimulation environments – think crowds, busy roads, and noisy restaurants, as well as rough fabrics!

 

E – Empathy & Emotional Reactivity – we have greater reactions to both positive and negative experiences with mirror neurons activating in response to pictures conveying emotion, even in people we don’t know. Further, our brains are noticeably more responsive to positive stimuli.

 

S – Sensitivity to subtle stimuli – we pay attention to everything. Couple that with our empathy and you’ll find us looking out for others.

 

WHAT HSPs NEED AND WHAT YOU CAN DO TO PROVIDE SUPPORT

  1. We need time to process thoughts. From you, we appreciate patience while we form our ideas and actions.
  2. We are sometimes over-stimulated. From you, we appreciate empathy and compassion. Compassion in the form of supportive action to eliminate a stressor is even better.
  3. We deeply feel the emotional energy of others. From you, we appreciate the flexibility to take quiet time and be in a space where we can center, rest, and recover.
  4. We notice small things which may be of great importance. From you, we appreciate being heard. Customer service departments – we are your greatest gift if you are willing to listen.

 

HSPs are shown to make exceptionally good employees with high-performance reviews, yet if conditions are not kind, we will be the first to burnout.

 

If you are an HSP – define what you need to sustain your energy. I call these Productivity Table Stakes™ – eight key ingredients to understand your relationship with and ensure are considered every day.

If you are a leader, ask your HSP employee what they need to succeed. It’s my favorite leadership question for everyone, but it is so relevant here.

If you are a partner to an HSP – co-create your home and life together to minimize stress and increase the joy in your time together.

 

I invite you all to join the Happy Space Pod – a safe online community to explore greater productivity and well-being for highly sensitive professionals. I hope to see you there.

*** Update – the focus of the Pod and Podcast has expanded from high sensitivity to designing inclusive performance. All through my lens as a highly sensitive person.

Filed Under: HSP - Highly Sensitive Person, Leadership, Performance, Relationships, Wellness Tagged With: colleague, highly sensitive person, hsp, interpersonal skills, productivity, work

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Productivity catalyst, highly sensitive executive coach, and speaker, Clare Kumar cultivates sustainable performance in busy professionals so they can keep making rich contributions in all areas of life and achieve greater fulfillment.

She inspires leaders, professionals, employees and entrepreneurs to respect humanity and boost performance through marrying productivity and pleasure. After all, why shouldn’t you have fun while getting things done?

 

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Instagram post 17994566822269878 Instagram post 17994566822269878
this beautiful voice made up for all the dirt, dis this beautiful voice made up for all the dirt, disrepair and the aggressively, angry rider in my car tonight. 

thank you @charmiemusic 

humans need you.
“hopefully we have cultures where the risk to sp “hopefully we have cultures where the risk to speak up, the fear to speak up is surmountable. we shouldn't have to make a point to speak up. It should just happen. that's the sign of a healthy speak-up culture is, it isn't a big deal. it's just what we do around here.”

🎙this powerful statement is from Leadership Coach, @shedinspires, in our conversation on the latest episode of the “Happy Space Podcast”.

Stephen shares 

📖 why he wrote “Speak-Up Culture”

🥒 how leaders can turn into bad pickles

🗣 advice for speaking up

🥇an opportunity to win a copy of his book! 

be the tenth person to comment on this episode on Instagram/Youtube/Twitter/Facebook/Linkedin and tag both Stephen Shedletsky and Clare Kumar and the book is yours!

tune in to this conversation as we explore why Stephen felt the need to write this book now, how our environment can pressure us into being unethical, and the value of transitioning to a speak-up culture.

🔗link to listen/watch/read the podcast is in the bio 

#everyonedeservesaHappySpace

#speakingup #inclusion #safety #leadership #culture #neurodiversity
🎙Director of Nook®, David O’Coimin explains 🎙Director of Nook®, David O’Coimin explains some of the ways a Nook Pod improves the soundscape in our conversation in episode 7 of the “Happy Space Podcast”.

📣 Nook has a scientifically different sound pressure inside than it does outside. we focus a lot on removing high-frequency noise. we focus a lot on creating a sort of low-frequency hum within the space, almost audible. 

😮 you put your head inside and you can see people go, “okay, how is that happening? I'm in one now, which has a door on, which is the solo booth.” and it's the only one we put a door on. the rest of the products are all open for the reason of inclusivity and feeling connected to the environment.

⛑ so when there's no door and it sounds different inside, people can be startled and quite taken aback by that. but after that first, sort of shock what you get is this, you see this relaxing that occurs, this calm that almost washes over people. so that calm is an important first element of the product.

where could you use a Nook® in your workplace?

🔗link to listen/watch/read the podcast is in the bio

#everyonedeservesaHappySpace

#neurodiversity #sensitivity #safespace #inclusivity #respect #noisereduction
we have a lot to be proud of. i saw “299 Queen S we have a lot to be proud of. i saw “299 Queen Street West” last night - a documentary about the ground-breaking nation’s music station. catch it on @cravecanada - streaming in Dec and touring the country as well through November. 

muchmusic was so very innovative and inclusive. 

props to the vj’s who shaped the show with their innate curiosity and love of trying new things. 
and to the film maker @seanmenard who bravely rented out roy thompson hall for and filled it!

@ericaehm  so much to be proud of!

@denisedonlon 
you were a queen in that suit. what great contributions you have made 

@sookyinleee loved learning more about you 

@billwelychka 
congrats on your book and happiness 

@steveanthonyonline so glad you didn’t go over the edge

@rick_campanelli aka “the temp”

@strombo your bowie interview is a fave of mine

@monica.deol it was wonderful to see an indian woman on tv. you inspired!

the movie also  included an all-time fave bowie interview where he asked mtv why they were not playing the amazing black music being made at the time. ♥️

speakers corner and electric circus were such fun. i think we could all use a daytime dance show now, don’t you @monica.deol ?

this movie made me proud to be 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦

#muchmusic #canadianfilm #documentary #indie #culture #fun #fan
i eat this almost every day. breakfast is somethin i eat this almost every day. breakfast is something i choose to simplify. decisions take energy.

others might choose wardrobe.

what do you choose to think less about?
i ache for the challenge of this day for those in i ache for the challenge of this day for those in and close to this community. you are seen and you are loved.
how can we be neuroinclusive? Strategy Lead for G how can we be neuroinclusive?

Strategy Lead for Google Global Events, Megan Henshall, talks about designing with neuroinclusion in mind:

🧠 neuro-inclusion needs to be a main ingredient in your experience design recipe because there are a lot of people that are coming to events who are suffering in silence or not coming at all. 

🔀 there's a statistic from an organization called EventWell, and 85% of the neurodivergent people that they interviewed have not attended an event because they thought it would be triggering or overwhelming for them, but that's sad. they have every right to be there.

have you ever opted out of an event because it felt unwelcoming?

🔗link to listen/watch/read the podcast is in the bio

#everyonedeservesaHappySpace

#neurodiversity #inclusion #compassion #neuroinclusion #inclusiveleadership #hsp #leadershipstrategy #events
toronto friends concerned about our declining soun toronto friends concerned about our declining soundscape, now through October 15th is the time to share your thoughts with the city. 

join the calls this week or submit your ideas in writing to 

mlsfeedback@toronto.ca

we deserve better.
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