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Leadership

How to Work with Highly Sensitive People

meerkat on alert representing high sensitvity

You might have heard the term HSP and wondered if it applies to you or some of your coworkers, or perhaps even your partner. Understanding this trait will be helpful to you in any case as it may help you advocate for yourself, navigate your relationships more effectively, and to better support others.

WHAT IS AN HSP?

Dr. Elaine Aron was in conversation with her therapist when they suggested that perhaps she was highly sensitive.1 The idea of being highly sensitive intrigued Elaine so much she went on to research and in the early 90s defined the trait that is also known clinically as Sensory Processing Sensitivity.

 

It is important to note it is quite distinct from Sensory Processing Disorder which includes difficulties in organizing and responding to information that arrives through the senses and which can have a significant impact on learning and daily life.

 

People who have the trait are most often referred to as HSPs, with HSP standing for “highly sensitive person”. Elaine defines the term as “a preference to process information more deeply”. I would add the word “involuntary” in advance of preference, as there is little to no choice involved. The trait is present in about 20% of the population, so I can guarantee you know someone who is an HSP…even if they don’t know it yet. HSPs’ brains light up differently in fMRI studies compared to non-HSPs when given tasks that involve perception involving subtle differences.

 

Let’s tackle the word “sensitive” as it can put some people off. Sensitivity is an under-valued quality in North American culture and, despite its great value, can be perceived by some as a sign of weakness. Here, sensitivity does not relate only to emotional sensitivity and easily finding oneself in tears, though that is possible for some. In fact, Elaine confesses she would rename the trait if she could start over, perhaps replacing sensitive with the word perceptive or responsive. Our sensitivity or responsiveness extends to the physical, mental and emotional.

 

Since the term is out in the world, I’m going with it so those who have learned about it can find the Happy Space Pod and podcast, but it’s worth understanding the trait includes some other qualities. Elaine refers to them with the acronym DOES (pronounced like the verb, not the noun, though I think the image of female deer is probably apt).

 

HSP QUALITIES

 

D – Depth of Processing – we spend more time dealing with new information and thinking about it more deeply… which can definitely be exhausting. The dark side is tendency to overthink.

 

O – Overstimulation – we can be extremely sensitive to high stimulation environments – think crowds, busy roads, and noisy restaurants, as well as rough fabrics!

 

E – Empathy & Emotional Reactivity – we have greater reactions to both positive and negative experiences with mirror neurons activating in response to pictures conveying emotion, even in people we don’t know. Further, our brains are noticeably more responsive to positive stimuli.

 

S – Sensitivity to subtle stimuli – we pay attention to everything. Couple that with our empathy and you’ll find us looking out for others.

 

WHAT HSPs NEED AND WHAT YOU CAN DO TO PROVIDE SUPPORT

  1. We need time to process thoughts. From you, we appreciate patience while we form our ideas and actions.
  2. We are sometimes over-stimulated. From you, we appreciate empathy and compassion. Compassion in the form of supportive action to eliminate a stressor is even better.
  3. We deeply feel the emotional energy of others. From you, we appreciate the flexibility to take quiet time and be in a space where we can center, rest, and recover.
  4. We notice small things which may be of great importance. From you, we appreciate being heard. Customer service departments – we are your greatest gift if you are willing to listen.

 

HSPs are shown to make exceptionally good employees with high performance reviews, yet if conditions are not kind, we will be the first to burnout.

 

If you are an HSP – define what you need to sustain your energy. I call these Productivity Table Stakes™ – eight key ingredients to understand your relationship with and ensure are considered every day.

If you are a leader, ask your HSP employee what they need to succeed. It’s my favorite leadership question for everyone, but it is so relevant here.

If you are a partner to an HSP – co-create your home and life together to minimize stress and increase the joy in your time together.

 

I invite you all to join the Happy Space Pod – a safe online community to explore greater productivity and well-being for highly sensitive professionals. I hope to see you there.

Filed Under: HSP - Highly Sensitive Person, Leadership, Performance, Relationships, Wellness Tagged With: colleague, highly sensitive person, hsp, interpersonal skills, productivity, work

Your Employees Need You To Believe That Working From Home Can Work

Man in chair looking at sticky notes with question marks on them

Are you a leader who has never believed in working from home? Like Marissa Mayer, former CEO of Yahoo! and my last corporate boss, you think that employees need to be in the office to get the job done. The trouble is with millions of workers now being told to work from home, working from home simply has to work.  It’s time for a mindset shift. I must add it is also the time to express the utmost compassion as we navigate this new way of working. We are all suffering different degrees of loss and how you serve as a leader will be remembered.

You may remember Ms. Mayer’s bold move in 2013 ordering all remote workers get back to the office or quit. Some reports suggest it was a much-needed effort to trim the workforce. Whatever the reason, it caused a huge uproar and admonishment from the likes of Richard Branson that it was a step backward.1  There is an abundance of research that confirms productivity and other measures are often improved when employees work from home, but that’s not the point of this post.

In 2008, my then leader became my last solely because of her conviction that employees must be in the office. My kids were three and five years old, and their dad had a demanding job requiring an almost two- and half-hour commute. I had worked from home successfully one day a week, for about a year and was performing well, but that didn’t matter. I was told I had to be in the office every day.

I had started to suffer some symptoms of burnout: headaches, trouble sleeping, low energy to name a few, and wanted to keep contributing if I could preserve my energy by continuing to work some of the time from home. I appealed to my boss’s analytical mind sharing an audit of my responsibilities which revealed that 90% of my interactive work was conducted over the phone or by email and only 10% was completed in person. Nope. Her reply to my offer to work from home 50% of the time was a hard “No”. I found it somewhat ironic that we were working for a company that sold the technology that enabled remote work.

Back to you. Let’s look at some of the concerns leaders have about people working from home. And by concerns, I really mean fears. Fears are based on beliefs, and it is those beliefs we must question, understand, and deal with. Along with each concern, I’ve included some questions you might ask yourself to help shift your thinking.

 

1. I can’t get anything done when I work from home, so how can anyone else?

Here you might be extrapolating your own beliefs about what works for you as being true for others.

Ask yourself:

  1. Am I being fair in thinking others will have the same challenges I do?
  2. How might I confirm that an employee is performing adequately?
  3. What communication could help me?
  4. What about different reporting?
  5. How will I bring this up if I am concerned?

2. I had to come into the office, so my team should, too.

In this case, you might be craving a sense of fairness.

Ask yourself:

  1. Is it reasonable to expect conditions to stay the same?
  2. Is it fair to restrict employees as if they are?
  3. What do I need to let go of to see this as an opportunity

 

3. If I can’t see someone working, how do I know they’re working?

This mindset reflects a lack of trust and possibly a need for control. It may have something to do with your own work style, but not necessarily. Note, the answer does not lie with an increase in remotely tracking work through random screenshots. Autonomy matters.

Ask yourself:

  1. What is causing me not to trust this employee?
  2. If there is a valid reason, can we build trust, or is this indicative of a bigger problem?
  3. If there isn’t, what can I do to experiment with trust?
  4. If I’m micromanaging, what effect could this have on my team?

 

4. I don’t think the team will collaborate effectively working from home.

There is no doubt in-person contact is the richest form we have but with video communication readily available we have a close second. Random interactions won’t happen, but it doesn’t mean you can’t encourage them.

Ask yourself:

  1. What can I do to stimulate informal communication?
  2. What formal initiatives could help encourage more effective collaboration?
  3. Could I improve psychological safety?
  4. Could I create more time to be creative, explore and experiment?
  5. How can employees be encouraged to build relationships at varying levels and across the organization?

 

5. We won’t have enough role modeling of leadership skills.

My former boss explained to me that this was her primary reason she wanted me in the office full time. We know from watching politics that leaders can be very effective from afar. So let’s not limit leadership by geography.

Ask yourself:

  1. What skills do I want to see shared?
  2. Between whom?
  3. In which other ways can this happen?

 

If you’ve been reluctant to embrace working from home, you owe it to your team to think more positively. Your team needs you to believe in them right now. It might require some creative thinking and thoughtful communication, and it will be worth it.

 

1 https://www.latimes.com/business/la-xpm-2013-feb-26-la-fi-yahoo-telecommuting-20130226-story.html


In April and May, 2020 I will be offering Live Q&A Zoom calls every Monday at noon EDT to answer questions on better working from home, personal productivity, and organization. Sign up by visiting www.clarekumar.com/workfromhome. You’ll receive my top “Three Ways to Better Work from Home” download and be invited to sign up for the session of your choice.

I also have a few spots open for private group coaching for individuals and leaders. Book a call with me to find out more.

Filed Under: Coaching, Leadership, Time Management Tagged With: leadership, productivity, remote work, work from home

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Productivity catalyst, highly sensitive executive coach, and speaker, Clare Kumar cultivates sustainable performance in busy professionals so they can keep making rich contributions in all areas of life and achieve greater fulfillment.

She inspires leaders, professionals, employees and entrepreneurs to respect humanity and boost performance through marrying productivity and pleasure. After all, why shouldn’t you have fun while getting things done?

 

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pinch me! pretty in portomau 😊😊😊 pinch me!
pretty in portomau 😊😊😊
sinfully beautiful Sintra - complete with magnolia sinfully beautiful Sintra - complete with magnolia in full bloom in february!

palacio da pena and quinta da regaleira 

and sunset with an almost full moon

there is a lovely sense of play embedded in the architecture and gardens. pleasure is a valid pursuit.
lisbon - exciting to discover parts of you today. lisbon - exciting to discover parts of you today. belem tower, monastery of st jerome, monument to the explorers, basket weaving exhibition, and the 28 tram ride.
Instagram post 17963417141204199 Instagram post 17963417141204199
you can feel how the sun has infused everything he you can feel how the sun has infused everything here.
sunshine affects mood so deeply. the past few week sunshine affects mood so deeply. the past few weeks in Toronto have been greyer than normal. i’ve been immersed in work projects and have my swimming pool which have both helped immensely but today, being back in the sun reminds me just how much i adore it for fuel. 

serotonin up! vitamin d may be light as it’s still cool here, but i’m sure i’ll find a sheltered spot to absorb some rays when the sun is high in the sky. 

feeling very blessed to be able to take a winter break. 

#sad
#serotonin
#sun #sustainableperformance #wellbeing #productivity
i'm zooming out. no, not zoomed out, but expandin i'm zooming out.

no, not zoomed out, but expanding the focus of the Happy Space Podcast.

when i launched the show last April, i was focused on highly sensitive people - empowerment and inclusion. i have since realized that there are more invisible challenges needing the spotlight. and hopefully, ultimately, we will operate with more compassion so we can #nevermindthelabels

there is much work to be done in what we know and also what we do not yet understand. our biases are natural and must be considered.

so, i have expanded the focus of the podcast to be about designing inclusive performance - making it possible for as many people as possible to make their richest contributions.

leaders want the best from their people yet the office culture or environment may not be inviting for all. if we are more intentional in design of spaces and work practices, this will get better.

i'm back with episode 13 - a solo episode - explaining the shift and inviting you to be part of the movement.

i'm excited for the next batch of 6 shows which include the following forward-thinking leaders and advocates:

- Mindset Coach and expert at managing anxiety - Paul Sheppard

- co-author of "Sensitive" due out at the end of February - @justandresolo 

- long time extreme humanist and thought provocateur - Tom Peters

- individualized work advocates - @alextheworkstyler ✊🏻 and @lizzietheworkstyler 

- co-founder of WorkTripp - @sjpagey 

i hope you'll join me. after all, everyone deserves a Happy Space.

🔗to podcast🎙 in bio

#leadership #inclusivity #productivity
grateful for spring flowers as winter rages on… grateful for spring flowers as winter rages on… 

what’s bringing you joy today?
#happyspace
sustainable stage design. cardboard backdrop. stur sustainable stage design. cardboard backdrop. sturdy and recyclable. #ids2023
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