Compass

The ABCs of Behavior Change (TM) – for habits that stick

 

Let me state for the record that though there is a huge focus on making resolutions, I think the new year is one of the toughest times to adopt a new behavior. Many of us have just come through holidays when schedules were thrown to the wind, indulgences beckoned at every turn, and in the northern hemisphere, the days were dark and cold. There is less energy and momentum for the kinds of changes that people generally like to make which are most often about health and self-improvement.1 On top of that, we just have just come through 2020, the year which seemed to laugh in the face of goal setting.

That said, a recent survey reveals 74% of adult Americans are starting the year off with a resolution (up 15% from the year prior), and a full 55% think they will follow through.2 While 77% of people can make the desired change for a week, research shows only 19% of people can hold onto their changes for two years.3 Not surprisingly, both the percentage of people who make resolutions and the conviction in upholding them both decline with age.4

There are excellent books on the topic of making a habit stick, such as Charles Duhigg’s The Power of Habit which analyzes the process of habit, and more recently, James Clear’s Atomic Habits, with steps for each part of the habit loop. To summarize, you need a trigger that is obvious, a desire to engage in the act, a low barrier to action, and gratification upon completion.

Through coaching hundreds of people wanting to be either more organized or more productive, I noticed challenges in a slightly different way and offer a model to help, The ABCs of Behavior Change™. It offers five progressive steps to bring more commitment to the change you want to make and set you up for success.

Before getting into the techniques of implementing a specific change we must connect deeply with why it matters. If that connection to reason is missing, you might get started on a change due to some external motivation, and this may be enough for some people who fall into Gretchen Rubin’s tendencies driven by others’ expectations (read Gretchen’s book The Four Tendencies for more on this), but it may not enough to make it stick for the long term. Let’s dive in!

 

The ABCs of Behavior Change

A – Acknowledge

Acknowledge and accept the advantage the change will bring you. If you are still doubting, dig deeper to understand how the action will really help you. Do you truly buy into the benefit? What other questions need answering?

 

B – Believe

Believe that you are worth it. Making a change might mean putting yourself first and setting boundaries. For some, this is very uncomfortable. Are you ready to dance in discomfort? Can you give yourself permission to take action?

 

C – Cultivate

Cultivate an environment that encourages and supports you in making the change. This includes your physical environment and the people around you. Do you feel supported? Will you ask for what you need?

 

D – Defend

Defend, with grace, the boundaries you rely on to follow through on the change. Play with and practice respectful language to help others understand your priorities. Become more and more comfortable saying no. How will you play a graceful defense?

 

E – Engage

Engage deeply in the moment you complete the action. Note how you feel physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Let the positive feelings you discover be your intrinsic motivation inspire you to take action again. Will you stop and tune in?

 

Move through each of these steps to build a happy habit – one that you look forward to completing. If for some reason you break the chain, engage in this bonus step.

F – Forgive

Forgive yourself for not sticking to the change you wanted to make, but don’t stop there. Figure out which one of the first five steps wasn’t setting you up for success. Go back to that step, re-examine it, reconnect with it or adjust and move forward.

 

SOURCES

  1. Top New Year resolutions

The data is based on an online survey of 1,790 US adults born between 1928 to 2002 commissioned by Finder and conducted by Pureprofile in September 2020. Participants were paid volunteers.

New Year’s resolution statistics

  1. Percent making resolutions

https://www.finder.com/new-years-resolution-statistics

 

  1. New Year resolution failure rate

Norcross, J C, and D J Vangarelli. “The resolution solution: longitudinal examination of New Year’s change attempts.” Journal of substance abuse vol. 1,2 (1988): 127-34. doi:10.1016/s0899-3289(88)80016-6

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2980864/

 

 

  1. New Year Resolutions and Conviction by Generation

New Year’s resolution statistics

 

If you’re looking for support in making a change, I offer private and group coaching for individuals and leaders.  I invite you to book a call with me to explore.

3 ways to be more productive this year

 

This is a sponsored post. To a view one of the media clips in which I bring these tips to life, scroll down! As always, opinions are my own.

 

No matter that we can choose to start a new habit, routine or behaviour at any time, the start of a new year often prompts greater reflection and the setting of resolutions for the year to come. Sadly, the majority of people don’t keep their resolutions.1 So, is there a better way?

As a productivity coach, I work with motivated people to help them achieve the results they are looking for. Over the years I have noticed, and studies confirm2, that the more clearly we can articulate what we want to achieve the more likely we are to achieve it.

You will have likely heard of SMART goals – those which are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-sensitive. Thinking through these details helps us get clear on exactly what we will do it and when we will do it.

Most effective is defining the set of small, repeatable actions you can take.  If you will – think it, then shrink it. Make getting started so small it is laughable to ignore it. Consistency in effort will get you there.

Traditionally, top resolutions have included eating better, losing weight, exercising more and getting organized. If you are motivated to lose weight, for example, this will effectively include several behaviours which really add up to a revised lifestyle. In fact, small positive changes in one area often lead to positive changes in another. I call this an upward spiral of momentum.

 

More colourful office supplies

 

In my model, the ABC’s of Behaviour Change (post to come!), C stands for Cultivate – creating a supportive environment both physically and in terms of the people around you. You will also benefit from using the right tools. Staples Canada has a huge variety of stylish and innovative products to help you meet your goals: planners and calendars to record and importantly schedule your intentions, Swell water bottles to keep you hydrated on the go or at your desk, glamorous Bugatti lunch bags in rose gold to make it more exciting to bring in a healthy lunch, tech tools such as headphones to keep you focused, the FitBit Charge 3 to help track your sleep and exercise, and the Microsoft Surface Pen to take more effective handwritten notes.

 

Variety of food on a tea towel with vegetable print
Variety of Plant-Based foods from President”s Choice.

Perhaps you want to be more mindful about what you eat. If you’re like the 38% of Canadians who are interested in adding more plant-based food to their diets3, whether it be for incredibly popular #meatlessmondays or any day of the week, you’ll want to check out President’s Choice’s new line of Plant-Based foods.

Breaded chicken-less strips in a whole wheat wrap
Breaded chicken-less strips in a whole wheat wrap with chipotle infused mayo-style spread and fresh veggies.

Consider this meal idea: corn, carrot and kale veggie bites with cashew dip, followed by a wrap filled with breaded chickenless strips, lettuce, and peppers plus a dash of mayo-style spread infused with chipotle sauce (my add), followed by a creamy coconut-based blueberry yogurt with additional fresh berries. Eating plant-based is easier than you think!

President’s Choice Veggie Bites

 

 

 

Handbag, small purse and jewelry
An example of items that sell well on ebay.

Do you have a pile of things at home that you no longer think of as treasures which would absolutely delight others? If they are nagging at you, in a conversation you’d like to stop, invest some time and energy to not only free up space but turn your stash into cash by selling them online. If you’re looking to maximize reach, list on ebay.ca to put your item in front of millions of buyers (over 183 million, globally) in either an auction format or for a fixed price. At www.ebay.ca/sell you’ll find helpful tips to let you know what buyers are looking for, help make shipping decisions and more. Take clear pictures, write a simple, descriptive headline, and list.

 

No matter what you want more or less of this year, take the time to get specific and you’ll be well on your way.

 

 

Watch as I Annette Goerner and I discuss these tips on CTV Morning Live in Ottawa.

 

Sources

  1. https://www.ipsos.com/en-ca/canadians-quick-make-new-years-resolutions-slow-see-them-through
  2. https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/achieving_your_goals_an_evidence_based_approach
  3. https://www.newswire.ca/news-releases/the-president-s-choice-r-brand-puts-a-plant-based-twist-on-beloved-thanksgiving-classics-831951258.html

 

 

Be Kind to Yourself in Your New Year Reflections

The end of a year and certainly a decade (whether technically it is the end or not, it is perceived to be, and that is what matters) for many of us is a time to reflect and set intentions for the upcoming year.

 

My wish for you is that you be kind to yourself in this process and to stay in a place of noticing rather than judging.

 

If you’re like me some of the important things you intended to accomplish this year did not happen. Here’s an example: I am still in the midst of writing a book that has been an active project for the past couple of years. Three things have affected the pace of its genesis.

 

1. Respecting capacity

I have significantly reduced the amount of time I spend working. As an entrepreneur faced with messages that growth is imperative and I must hustle, I’ve instead worked hard to replace FOMO – the fear of missing out, with JOMO – the joy of missing out. Honestly, I now say, “Chuck hustle!”.  Use a stronger word if it moves you.

 

As some of you know, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis five years ago. Strange and telling symptoms showed up two years prior to that, leaving me in pain and robbing me of sleep. MS is a strange disease that shows up differently in each person. I have made significant changes in the past few years to not only help me live with the disease when it rears its ugly head but to proactively keep myself as healthy as I can. This may help explain my increased focus on wellness and the development of Productivity Table Stakes™. I am my own guinea pig, testing strategies and sharing what I’ve learned.

 

I credit living well with MS to fiercely protecting sleep, exercising every day, aiming for rich nutrients per bite and doing my best to avoid stress. All these efforts take consistent efforts of time, energy and attention, the most easily controlled parts of STEAM Resources™ (Space, Time, Energy, Attention, Money). The bottom line is that to keep being of value and giving to others, I have to honour my capacity and make sure I don’t run out of STEAM.

 

Permission granted to honour my capacity.

 

2. Measuring the right things

As I was writing part two of the book, I realized I needed more research on the concepts I wanted to share. New information is always being created so I knew at some point I would have to cut off my reading and come back to writing. What I noticed though, is that while I measured the words I wrote and counted them as real results, I wasn’t taking stock of the vast literature I’d been reading. That counts, too, and will make the book a richer read. Reframing has helped. I’ve also listened to other authors share their process (Tim Ferris and Susan Cain have a fabulous podcast episode on this and speaking, as well. Link below.). Tim does all his research and then sits down to write. Perhaps that would have been smoother, but you don’t know what you don’t know.

 

Permission granted to take the time it needs to craft a useful book that will serve readers for the long term.

 

3. Investing in what’s truly important

As I’ve been learning in my research around Connection, one of the Productivity Table Stakes. Humans are hard-wired for connection. The amount though varies per person, right my lovely introverts? Humans are alike in so many ways, but as we dig a bit deeper, we have incredible differences that deserve respect.

 

I left my marriage over three years ago largely for lack of connection. My ex is a loving father and man of integrity but our connection styles never meshed. Living on my own, I found myself feeling lonely last year. After returning from a trip to India in which I was surrounded by family, it was evident to me that I need to have more meaningful, regular connections with people who matter to me.

 

My kids (and my beloved pets) stay with their dad, a decision which some viewed negatively rather than understanding it is what works best for our family so I live alone. As a solopreneur, when not with clients my work life is also spent alone. While this allows me the peace I need to hold onto my creative energy and avoid the taxes of navigating a busy city, I realized I had to make a more consistent effort to be with people and enjoy valuable social connections.

 

And, so I did. I reprioritized nurturing relationships this year. I invited people more. I said yes to time with people just to interact rather than achieve a goal. I participated more fully with my speaking network. Social media was and continues to be part of my life as it helps to build and maintain these connections (although has its rabbit hole risks, so I discovered it was important to set some time limits!)  Perhaps most significantly, I was blessed to have swiped right at the end of May and met my loving partner, Jacques.

 

When I left my marriage, I knew I wanted what I call a “Chapter Two” to include a strong, loving relationship with someone I celebrate and who celebrates me for who I am, not some version they hope I will be. I have been revelling in being in love and being loved for the past seven months.

 

Permission granted to invest in relationships that matter.

 

I was joking last night at my friends’ annual New Year’s Eve party that we might be served by posting more about the things we intended to accomplish but hadn’t achieved. This year there will definitely be more of those.

 

As you take stock of the past year and decade, definitely celebrate what are you proud of. For those things that didn’t get done, can you celebrate the choices you made?

 

What intentions will you set? And perhaps most importantly, what will you give yourself permission for this year?

 

As always, Tune In before you Lean In.

 

With love and good wishes for sculpting a rich life.

 

Thanks for a prompt from my sister this morning, I’ll leave you with this, one of my favourite songs, “Life’s what you make it” from Talk Talk.

 

 

Notes:

  1. Tim Ferris’ podcast 357 with Susan Cain, author of Quiet.

I work with individuals and organizations to deliver sustainable performance.   Book a Discovery Call to find out more about working together.

A daily to-do list to keep you focused – Your Focused Five™

When you’re not terribly busy or managing a light load, you might be able to remember everything you’re responsible for, but what happens when the pace picks up or you’ve got more plates to spin? Having a reliable practice in place can help take the pressure off. This applies to everyone from students to senior executives. Keeping track of tasks can be helped by having a task management Ritual you can count on.

Take a second and think about your to-do list. Is it scrawled on a scrap of paper, jotted down in a notebook, lurking in an online app, or perhaps just jumbled in your head? Is it a regular tool you use, or something you create in a crisis?

If you use it often and it’s working well for you, celebrate that. It’s quite a win, as many people struggle (including me) to find a system they enjoy.

 

Ask yourself three questions:

a) do you use your system regularly? If not there may be something to explore with mindset or the medium. It may not be the right format, but we’ll explore that in another post.

b) is it working for you? In other words, does it keep you on task and on track?

c) how does it make you feel? Do you feel good during and after using it?

Let’s explore the last question. If you’re looking at your to-do list and it leaves you feeling overwhelmed and like you’re not getting enough done, something needs to change. We simply don’t need the tools we choose to use leaving us feeling at all depleted afterward.

There is a need for two (or more) kinds of to-do lists. Just how many you need will depend on how you think and prefer to keep different tasks separately, but at minimum, I recommend having two lists.

The first, likely massive list, is what I call your Master To-Do List. It’s essentially a download of what’s on your mind. Whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed or like you’re forgetting things, it’s worthwhile pausing, and even though it feels stressful, investing the time in going through your inbox, calendar, notes on your desk, and mind to capture your intentions.  As Daniel J. Levitin explains in his book “An Organized Mind” (1),

“Writing things down conserves the mental energy expended in worrying that you might forget something and in trying not to forget it.”

But, I caution you in using this Master To-Do List when it comes to focusing on your daily activities. It is simply too big. Have you ever ordered a plate of food, perhaps a big bowl of pho (Vietnamese soup), and kept eating yet it looks like you’ve hardly consumed anything? It’s somehow highly ungratifying, no matter how tasty the food.

From your Master To-Do List, choose five important things you wish to complete in a day and write those down in a separate second list I call the “Focused Five“.

Why five? Five is a small enough number to actually get through. The act of selecting items forces you to identify the most important activities to attend to. You’ll enjoy the sense of accomplishment that comes from ticking everything off your list.

Keep this list right in front of you. Prop it up on your computer, leave it on your desk, or pop it into your wallet when you’re on the move. It’s a simple, low-tech way to keep your priorities top of mind.

I started out using index cards and then made a template to print my own cards to use each day. You can download it here.

If you get through your list, don’t forget to celebrate a little before choosing another item or two from your Master To-Do List.

Try it and I’d love to hear how it goes!

 

Source:

  1. Levitin, Daniel J. The Organized Mind: Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload. Dutton an Imprint of Penguin Random House, 2017 p 69

I work with organizations to deliver sustainable performance.  If you know of a forward-thinking company who wants to achieve objectives and help their leaders and teams avoid disengagement and burnout, book a Discovery Call to learn more about a range of engaging talks and effective coaching and consulting.

How and Why to Choose a Focus Word of the Year

With the start of a new year, it is a natural time for reflection, celebration, and forethought to the year ahead. Many of us will be thinking about New Year resolutions, which I’d prefer to reframe as intentions, but they too often get dismissed after a few days or if you’re lucky weeks. Yes, I believe in setting goals for the year, in six different areas of life (as described in The LifeTime Management Playbook™), and this selection of the powerful, Focus Word of the Year is in addition to that more detailed, recurring planning exercise. Stay with me – I promise it’s worth it. If you were to do one thing related to planning right now, this should be it.

 

Why choose a Focus Word?

When I first learned of the practice (from a source I can’t remember or would gladly credit), my goal was to choose one word to keep top of mind throughout the year as an overarching theme to serve as a powerful tool for focusing intention, guiding attention and ultimately shaping execution. It has had such a strong impact I now consider it a ritual for this time of year.

A word is sometimes about doing, but more often it’s about a way of doing or being. It has the ability to guide your thinking and ultimately your actions. It recurs in your mind to keep you attentive to that which you have decided warrants your energy and resources. It serves as a powerful reminder of how you want to show up.

It’s not a foolproof strategy, for sure, but if I slipped, just keeping the word in mind helped me check in to see how I had missed living my intentions, and prompted me to think about what I might do differently in a similar situation should it arise again. It can quickly centre you and bring you back to intention.

Consider choosing a word more of a foundation. To find your Powerful Focus Word, you will have to dig a little deeper. Your word only has to be meaningful to you and you can keep it completely to yourself if you wish. I did that for the first year.

 

Why just one?

I’ve seen the practice become more popular in the past year with some people choosing one word, and others three or more. Choosing one word is perhaps more difficult than choosing several words, but ultimately for me, has greater impact, and is simpler to apply. If you have more words, you will have to move between them and apply your resources to all. This is how we have to manage things to successfully integrate life, after all. For me, landing on one word has a simplicity and elegance which I crave, and the constraint forces deeper thinking and some tough choices.

That said, one word often has several partner words which go along with it. Find the cluster of related words which help give the depth of meaning you are looking for. This might make it easier to land on one. That word cluster ought to feel like a nourishing broth from which you’ll drink, daily.

As with most things, there is no one way. I invite you to explore the idea and find what works for you. Start with one and if it feels like that isn’t enough, keep going.

 

Does the word only last a year?

Thankfully, no. Powerful words linger. Even though I focused on one word per year, with each it was merely the beginning of a journey in relationship to that word. Learning and experimentation continue. I continue to aspire to the words I chose previously, though more subconsciously now. It feels as if I have absorbed them into my way of being. On my best days, anyway!

 

How to choose your word

Get ready for some extreme self-reflection and simmering. For the past month, I’ve been thinking about my Focus Word for the year. When I come up with something that seems like a fit, I let my mind dance with it, applying it to various situations and feel what it inspires. I tune into how my body reacts. Some words feel onerous and constrictive, whereas others feel motivating. Don’t be afraid to let go of a word and move on. Look for a word you’ll like to tango with this year. One which will lead you towards good things.

Here are some questions to ask yourself to generate your own Powerful Focus Word. To get to your word, you will want to combine careful thought and idea incubation. Let a few words come to you. Feel the word. You’ll know when you’ve hit the right one.

Careful Thought

1.      If you could skip ahead a year and reflect on 2019, what would you like to be proud of?

2.      If you’ve set goals for the year, is there a word that could serve as a foundation to that success?

3.      Are there moments from the past you wish you could have handled better? What word comes up to help support shifts in a positive direction?

4.      Who inspires you? What word describes them?

 

Idea Incubation

1.      How do you feel when you think of this word?

2.      Does this word apply broadly to your life? The more areas for which it is useful, the more powerful the word.

3.      Are you ready for this word? Is this the right year for it, or will it serve you better later?

 

Make the word part of your day

A word will only be useful to you if you hold it in your mind. Here are a few ideas for you:

1.      Write the word in a prominent place – by your bed, bathroom mirror, in your daily planner, incorporate it into jewelry or a piece of art

2.      Incorporate the word in a daily meditation

3.      Journal with the word in mind. Set an intention every morning with respect to the word. Reflect each night on how you showed up. Celebrate the wins. Learn from the challenges.

4.      Tell others about your word – incorporate it in regular meetings with your coach, good friends or therapist

For those who are curious, my Focus Words of the Year have been

2015 – Replenish (Cluster words: heal, rest, rejuvenate)

2016 – Transform (Cluster words: change, reinvent, progress)

2017 – Grace (Cluster words: calm, strength, serenity)

2018 – Cultivate (Cluster words: grow, nourish, feed)

2019 – Trust (Cluster words: believe, faith)

 

What word will you choose, and why? Go ahead and send me a tweet!

_______________________________________________________________

I speak and coach to inspire sustainable performance. Find out more at www.clarekumar.com

Work-life Integration: Is it just a Women’s Issue?

“Sometimes who is going to be taking care of all of my kids on any given day is more complicated than any trade agreement.” – Chrystia Freeland, International Trade Minister of Canada

I remember when my kids were very young having numerous conversations about the confidence that comes from having your kids well taken care of while you’re working. If for any reason, care is in question, it is extremely challenging to focus on your work. Treasured are opportunities in which you can perform your job without compromising family commitments.

Political journalist, Jane Taber, writes a regular column on women in politics, and chose to highlight Ms. Freeland’s choice to mix business and home life.

According to Ms. Taber, Ms. Freeland hosted twenty-five Ukrainian government officials for dinner at her home with her family. Ms. Freeland confessed this was not a “traditional form of government entertaining” however it was an opportunity to do her job and be with family. Certainly, it was a chance for her three kids to witness what their mother does. In fact, Ms. Taber reports that Ms. Freeland’s children have each travelled to Ottawa to achieve an even better understanding.

When the House of Commons is in session, Ms. Freeland draws on the support of her two aunts who fly in from the prairies to assist the family.

What do you think?

How do you feel about this story profiling a senior political leader and how she integrated work and home life?

Now consider this quote from former U.S. President, Barack Obama:

“Workplace flexibility isn’t just a women’s issue. It’s an issue that affects the well-being of our families and the success of our businesses.”

Does highlighting a female politician’s work-life integration choices paint this as a women’s issue? Can you share any examples of men being profiled similarly? Are there differences?

What creative ways have you integrated work and life?

PRODUCTIVITY TRUTH: Treasured are opportunities in which you can perform your job without compromising family commitments.

Book a discovery call with Clare? Click here to contact me.