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Be Kind to Yourself in Your New Year Reflections

The end of a year and certainly a decade (whether technically it is the end or not, it is perceived to be, and that is what matters) for many of us is a time to reflect and set intentions for the upcoming year.

 

My wish for you is that you be kind to yourself in this process and to stay in a place of noticing rather than judging.

 

If you’re like me some of the important things you intended to accomplish this year did not happen. Here’s an example: I am still in the midst of writing a book that has been an active project for the past couple of years. Three things have affected the pace of its genesis.

 

1. Respecting capacity

I have significantly reduced the amount of time I spend working. As an entrepreneur faced with messages that growth is imperative and I must hustle, I’ve instead worked hard to replace FOMO – the fear of missing out, with JOMO – the joy of missing out. Honestly, I now say, “Chuck hustle!”.  Use a stronger word if it moves you.

 

As some of you know, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis five years ago. Strange and telling symptoms showed up two years prior to that, leaving me in pain and robbing me of sleep. MS is a strange disease that shows up differently in each person. I have made significant changes in the past few years to not only help me live with the disease when it rears its ugly head but to proactively keep myself as healthy as I can. This may help explain my increased focus on wellness and the development of Productivity Table Stakes™. I am my own guinea pig, testing strategies and sharing what I’ve learned.

 

I credit living well with MS to fiercely protecting sleep, exercising every day, aiming for rich nutrients per bite and doing my best to avoid stress. All these efforts take consistent efforts of time, energy and attention, the most easily controlled parts of STEAM Resources™ (Space, Time, Energy, Attention, Money). The bottom line is that to keep being of value and giving to others, I have to honour my capacity and make sure I don’t run out of STEAM.

 

Permission granted to honour my capacity.

 

2. Measuring the right things

As I was writing part two of the book, I realized I needed more research on the concepts I wanted to share. New information is always being created so I knew at some point I would have to cut off my reading and come back to writing. What I noticed though, is that while I measured the words I wrote and counted them as real results, I wasn’t taking stock of the vast literature I’d been reading. That counts, too, and will make the book a richer read. Reframing has helped. I’ve also listened to other authors share their process (Tim Ferris and Susan Cain have a fabulous podcast episode on this and speaking, as well. Link below.). Tim does all his research and then sits down to write. Perhaps that would have been smoother, but you don’t know what you don’t know.

 

Permission granted to take the time it needs to craft a useful book that will serve readers for the long term.

 

3. Investing in what’s truly important

As I’ve been learning in my research around Connection, one of the Productivity Table Stakes. Humans are hard-wired for connection. The amount though varies per person, right my lovely introverts? Humans are alike in so many ways, but as we dig a bit deeper, we have incredible differences that deserve respect.

 

I left my marriage over three years ago largely for lack of connection. My ex is a loving father and man of integrity but our connection styles never meshed. Living on my own, I found myself feeling lonely last year. After returning from a trip to India in which I was surrounded by family, it was evident to me that I need to have more meaningful, regular connections with people who matter to me.

 

My kids (and my beloved pets) stay with their dad, a decision which some viewed negatively rather than understanding it is what works best for our family so I live alone. As a solopreneur, when not with clients my work life is also spent alone. While this allows me the peace I need to hold onto my creative energy and avoid the taxes of navigating a busy city, I realized I had to make a more consistent effort to be with people and enjoy valuable social connections.

 

And, so I did. I reprioritized nurturing relationships this year. I invited people more. I said yes to time with people just to interact rather than achieve a goal. I participated more fully with my speaking network. Social media was and continues to be part of my life as it helps to build and maintain these connections (although has its rabbit hole risks, so I discovered it was important to set some time limits!)  Perhaps most significantly, I was blessed to have swiped right at the end of May and met my loving partner, Jacques.

 

When I left my marriage, I knew I wanted what I call a “Chapter Two” to include a strong, loving relationship with someone I celebrate and who celebrates me for who I am, not some version they hope I will be. I have been revelling in being in love and being loved for the past seven months.

 

Permission granted to invest in relationships that matter.

 

I was joking last night at my friends’ annual New Year’s Eve party that we might be served by posting more about the things we intended to accomplish but hadn’t achieved. This year there will definitely be more of those.

 

As you take stock of the past year and decade, definitely celebrate what are you proud of. For those things that didn’t get done, can you celebrate the choices you made?

 

What intentions will you set? And perhaps most importantly, what will you give yourself permission for this year?

 

As always, Tune In before you Lean In.

 

With love and good wishes for sculpting a rich life.

 

Thanks for a prompt from my sister this morning, I’ll leave you with this, one of my favourite songs, “Life’s what you make it” from Talk Talk.

 

 

Notes:

  1. Tim Ferris’ podcast 357 with Susan Cain, author of Quiet.

I work with individuals and organizations to deliver sustainable performance.   Book a Discovery Call to find out more about working together.

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Productivity catalyst, highly sensitive executive coach, and speaker, Clare Kumar cultivates sustainable performance in busy professionals so they can keep making rich contributions in all areas of life and achieve greater fulfillment.

She inspires leaders, professionals, employees and entrepreneurs to respect humanity and boost performance through marrying productivity and pleasure. After all, why shouldn’t you have fun while getting things done?

 

From the Blog

Highly Sensitive Patient Care – How much information do you want to share?

The SEED Model™ of High Sensitivity

LG Home Office Makeover Contest

how do you build connection with a dispersed workf how do you build connection with a dispersed workforce?
that’s exactly what Sally Page, co-founder of @work.tripp and I explore in the latest episode of the Happy Space Podcast.

“there is something very beautiful that happens when a team comes together in terms of their motivation and their kind of performance, when they really come together with purpose…but it’s really hard to do”

and i think it’s important to recognize that simply being together in an office, does not connection make. Dr. Vivek Murthy, when he was the 19th Surgeon General in the US, called out loneliness as an epidemic - before the pandemic. 

Sally recommends:

🧠intentionally crafting connection by building experiences, especially out of the office.

📅choosing a cadence depending on the growth stage of the team or project. quarterly is often ideal.

🎯 focusing on one key thing during the offsite. connection itself can be the goal.

🌳getting out into nature. many studies reveal the benefits and a change of scenery is more memorable.

what are you noticing about building connection at work?

🔗to podcast in bio

#connection #teambuilding #leadership #startup #worktripp #HSP #HappySpacePodcast #happyspacepod #coach
"stay away from the extroverts" said, Tom Peters w "stay away from the extroverts" said, Tom Peters
wait, what? this extrovert had a moment in our podcast interview.

read on to find out what happened in our conversation and why now, Tom says, “look for the quiet and sensitive”!

when I read "Tom Peters' Compact Guide to Excellence", my jaw dropped when he proclaimed that Susan Cain's book "Quiet" is the best business book of this century. the book opened Tom's eyes to the value of quiet, introverted people which had been completely missing from his and many organization's thinking.

in our conversation, when Tom suggested we "stay away from extroverts", being extroverted myself, i was compelled to lobby for sensitive extroverts and offer a counter-thought:

what if it isn't introversion and "quiet" that we need to value?

(i have rarely been accused of being too quiet, despite my middle name meaning "peace" - nice try, mum and dad!)

what if it is sensitivity?

highly sensitive people are superb noticers, process information more deeply, and are adept at synthesizing information. they also innately bring the much-needed empathy required in today’s challenging work world. the 30% of sensitive people who are extroverts (6% of the general population) are a special asset to any organization.

that said, HSPs also need more time to rest and recover during the work day. without that, we are at risk of burning out.

Tom reflects, "I said to somebody, I'm so sensitive to what's going on that I'm always overloading."

Tom immediately revised his "linguistic expression" to say, "look for the quiet and sensitive". I guess I ought to still work on being a bit quieter. ☺

have a listen as Tom and I explore what he calls “extreme humanism”. if we can create work experiences that respect humanity, imagine what we can accomplish.

we can definitely use more Tom Peters-like people in the world.

i'd love to hear what you think. please comment below or on your fave podcast platform.

🔗 link in bio

#hsp #hspcoach #clarekumar #highlysensitiveperson #inclusivity #empathy #sensitivity #leadership #extremehumanism #humanity #productivity
Instagram post 18351377770059912 Instagram post 18351377770059912
Tom Peters is intellectually irritated! he has bee Tom Peters is intellectually irritated! he has been fighting for extreme humanism for 45 years. 

“the message is clear. the message is simple. the message is powerful..."

future of work champions - what can we do to help Tom out? 
comment below!

🔗 in bio for full episode

#futureofwork #humanism #insearchofexcellence
Tom Peters has been revered in the world of busine Tom Peters has been revered in the world of business management ever since releasing the 1982 book In Search of Excellence with co-author Robert Waterman. selling shy of 5 million copies, it is recognized as one of the most influential management works.

in our conversation, we explore Tom’s deep respect for humanity which he refers to as Extreme Humanism. we dive into sensitivity, his fondness for “quiet” people, inclusivity, and the power of female leaders. we tackle the challenges of managing by zooming around and the need for a new kind of leader. 

while some understand a different leadership mindset is required for the current world of work, many don’t. we are, indeed, still in search of excellence.

🔗 to podcast🎙 in bio

#hsp #hspcoach #clarekumar #highlysensitiveperson #inclusivity #empathy #sensitivity #leadership #extremehumanism #humanity
if you want a 4-day week or are curious about impl if you want a 4-day week or are curious about implementing one, you’ll want to join Joe O’Connor an i as we unpack the in-demand 4-day week. 

Mon Mar 13 - noon - 1 pm EDT

the largest trial of the concept wrapped up recently in the UK and Joe was intimately involved. get the inside scoop and your questions answered. 

you’ll also have a chance to win a Sensory Matrix Assessment (you have to stay till the end!)

register via HappySpaceHotTopics.com

#flexibility #4dayweek #worklifeintegration
ooh, it was refreshing to feel spring in the air a ooh, it was refreshing to feel spring in the air at the
@homedepotcanada spring showcase.

from smart lighting, to durable and stylish outdoor furniture (metal that really looks like wood), to new storage solutions from @ryobi_canada 

chatting with the knowledgeable buyers and product specialists to learn what’s new and share some ideas was a highlight. as was seeing media friends. so good to see you IRL!

#FromDoToDone
“the number one thing you do if you want to impr “the number one thing you do if you want to improve performance is promote more women,” says Tom.

the corporate world can often be hard to navigate as a woman. inviting the compassion, understanding, and advocacy of our allies is what we need to design inclusive performance for all.

let’s keep our voices strong throughout the year.

this clip is from the upcoming episode of the Happy Space Podcast, "Still in Search of Excellence" with Tom Peters, dropping march 13th, 2023.

join Tom and me as we explore leadership as influenced by the pandemic, tensions between leaders and the workforce, and how to manage by Zooming around. we also find out why is Tom Peters "intellectually irritated"?

tune in on march 13th on your podcast player of choice, Youtube or www.clarekumar/podcast.

and if you're free, join us on monday at noon EDT for the Happy Space Hot Topics conversation unpacking the 4-day week with special guest Joe O'Connor, former CEO of 4-Day Week.

register via http://www.happyspacehottopics.com/ and be entered to win a prize. (you must be in attendance to win!)

#ALLin #inclusivity #women #leadership
a few hours drive east along the lake and happy to a few hours drive east along the lake and happy to be meeting my clients in Kingston. 

you’ll hear me talking a lot about remote work but sometimes it really is worth travelling to be in person. 

i encourage leaders to be intentional about why they bring people together in person. mix task and team, content and connection, function and fun and there is a greater chance employees will want to participate. 

#acknowledgetheask and make it worthwhile to show up. 

budget for the travel time, energy and expense required. recognize you’re making a withdrawal on personal time. 

design for well-being and performance will flow…
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